"You Don't Want Your Own?"

Usually I reserve the subject of adoption for my transracial adoption blog; however, today I want to share with my diabetes-friendly readers how I respond to this question.

Here's how we arrived at the decision to adopt, instead of attempting to have a biological child, in a nutshell: I was lying in my hospital bed two days after being told I had type I diabetes. I was admitted to the hospital in DKA with a blood sugar of 700 and an a1c of 16.9. Impressive numbers, right? My first DNE entered the room and began my very first education session---how and when to check my sugar, insulin storage, what to do if I got sick, how to treat a high, how to treat a low, etc. In the midst of this, she asked me, "Do you want to have children?" I said, "Yes." She said, "You still can."

And immediately, I thought about adoption. I can't tell you why it popped into my mind so quickly, or why it marinated there for over a year until we finally started the process, but it did.

It's really that simple for me.

I get that the decision to adopt and to forgo having biological children is not easy for most people. Many of my girlfriends have gone through years of infertility treatments, finally surrendering to adoption as the way to build their families. My choice to have biological children wasn't stripped from me by my body; our choice to adopt was quite the opposite. It was given to us as an option because of my body.

As we started the mountains of paperwork and finally, started waiting for our child, I was asked numerous times, "You don't want your own children?"

The question was meant to be innocent, but it was in fact very nosy and rude, for several reasons.

1: My daughter is "my own" child. When I get her up each morning, the fact that she is adopted isn't the first thing that crosses my mind. She's my daughter. Yes, she has two moms---me who raises her, another who gave birth to her and loves her---but that doesn't mean my daughter isn't "my own.

2: Having biological children isn't easy for everyone. The question assumes that I can have biological children, with ease, or that I'm willing to risk it all (including my life) to have biological children. Assuming that I should/could take on multiple medical risks to have a biological child is, I know, a lack of diabetes education. (It's horrible to assume that every parent who adopts has a sense of their child not being "their own" or having society tell them that child isn't their "real" child).

3: Adoption is a beautiful way to build a family. It's not a second choice or "next best" for us. It's the best. It's God's plan for our family.

4: Adoption and having biological children is not the same thing; however, the result is that families are built. Each experience is unique, but one isn't better than the other.

You might wonder why I'm posting this now, nineteen months into our first adoption. The answer is that the question hasn't ceased to be asked. People ask me, "Now that you have one child, will you try to have a biological child?" They can't understand why after going with the "second best" we would not proceed to go with what they deem to be the "best" choice.

I always respond calmly and with confidence, which is the only way to educate people.

I tell them that we plan to build our family through adoption in the future. I tell them that many women with diabetes can have safe, healthy, successful pregnancies, but that was simply not what we chose to do. I tell them that I have cared for other people's children for much of my life, and adopting someone else's child is something I did with ease.

I'm not sure anyone will ever "get" my point of view on this. However, I know that my mission isn't to convince anyone that what we did was right. My goal is to educate others on the topics I care about: diabetes and adoption. And if they're willing to listen, I'm going to keep sharing.

What I Said...

Here are the main points I shared with the young woman with pre-diabetes while being filmed for MTV's MADE:

1: Diabetes is a 24/7 job. If you don't take care of it, you will die from it. Diabetes, to me, is a "sink or swim" disease. And I want to swim!

2: High blood sugar is like shards of glass in your bloodstream. Everywhere the "glass" goes, it cuts---so think about your kidneys, your eyes, your heart, your reproductive organs, etc.

3: You have to decide you are worthy of changing. You are worthy!!!

4: You have a choice; I didn't. Please don't choose diabetes.

MADE Into Someone New

Hey, all!

I've been crazy busy this past week, and all for very good reasons.

I had been frantically working on my latest Diabetes Health articles, including this one on being "Wholly Healthy," cleaning my house, doing laundry, and packing. We were headed out of town to visit friends and some of my daughter's birth family. Additionally, I had been contacted by my dietitian asking if I would be interested in taking part in the filming of an episode of MTV's show MADE.

The episode being filmed was about a young lady with pre-diabetes. She wants to be "made" into a healthier person. Would I take part? YES!!!

Filming was supposed to occur on Sunday at the hospital, but due to legal issues, I was informed that filming would occur at my house...the very next day! Thankfully my house was sparkling clean in preparation for our upcoming trip (I can't stand coming home to a messy/dirty house).

In a nutshell, the filming was not stressful at all. In fact, it was fun! There were five of us in total---the young woman, her MADE coach (a personal trainer from NY), the camera woman, my dietitian, and myself. We talked about choices, diet, exercise, and the daily life of someone (me!) with diabetes.

The whole goal of the show, as I see it, is to inspire and encourage the featured person and the MTV viewers to make changes for the better. As we all know, diabetes is a horrible disease that is sadly becoming increasingly more prevalent in our society. I applaud MTV for covering diabetes (episode due to air in the fall) for everyone to see and digest.

Being a part of this show was an unexpected blessing, one that is exciting, motivational, and of course, inspiring.

Diabetes, whether we like or not, forces us to become someone new---for better or worse. Hopefully the young woman on the show is motivated to avoid/postpone diabetes---because some of us didn't have a choice. Thankfully, she can make changes now and choose better.

Live A Little!: Book Review

I love scanning the "new arrival" shelves at my local library. Twice I passed up Live a Little! because the cover first intrigued me but then got on my nerves. The author's boast that readers can and should "Blow Off Your Run" and "Stop Worrying About Your Health." Yeah, right. Stop worrying about my health and skip workouts?

But the author's also proudly claim that we should "Stay Up Late" (check) and "Eat a Brownie" (um, like every single day...).

Finally, I was convinced that I should skim this book, so I checked it out, brought it home, and dove into it right away.

First, I'm totally health-crazy. I currently have about fifteen books checked out from my local library, and most of them are health, going-green, and eco-friendly housecleaning books. I'm adamant that I will never stop learning about and pursuing good health. I thought I was a little too over-the-top, but the authors include these Seventeen magazine (remember those?) type quizzes that help readers discover how balanced they are in relationships, with their eating habits, with exercising, and more. And I am proud to say, I'm balanced in every area! Woo hoo! Ten points for me! Or is it a gold star? Anyway....

I love a few parts of the book that I'll share with you here. Then you can decide if this book is worthy of your time or not:

"What we do know is that the health rules can mislead you into halfway believing that if you eat only the right things, or exercise in the proper way, you can escape not just run-of-the-mill illnesses but death itself. This way of thinking leads to a distorted set of priorities: Instead of trying to be healthy so that you can enjoy life, you squander your happiness in the pursuit of more health. But as Nortin Hadler, a professor of medicine at the University of North Carolin, points out in his book Worried Sick, 'The death rate is one per person.' We can't stop death, not even with oat bran. Bleak news, yes. When you realize, though, that health is not under your total control, a lot of guilt and stress slide off your shoulders. It no longer feels as if your very life depends on how frantically you monitor your nutritional intake, exercise habits, and stress level. Better still, you can trade in your illusion of becoming perfectly healthy for something much more fun: being pretty healthy. Pretty Healthy means, first of all, that your health habits contribute to, not distract from, your enjoyment of life." (page 5)

"In her book The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, psychologist Wendy Mongel describes the ancient Jewish belief that God will hold us accountable at the end of our lives fro all the good foods we were offered by chose not to taste. [. . .] We love this principle, though, because it reminds ups that life should be pleasurable [. . .]" (page 140)

"We'd rather look for more opportunities to enjoy good meals than spend precious brain cells keeping a tally of how many portions of fish and vegetables we've eaten each day or week. [. . .] we've seen too many women become so distracted by the hubbub around one single food, or the debate over a particular number of servings, that they lose sight of the big picture. Let's say it again: fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, beans, fish, nuts, low-fat dairy, and moderate amounts of wine." (page 149-150)

This particular excerpt focuses on sexual health, but it can be applied (and is throughout the book) to all areas of health: "From now on, feel free to ignore any 'expert' who proclaims you need to have sex X number of times per week or month, and instead focus n the real questions: Are you comfortable with your sex life? Are you having much more or much less sex than you want to?" (page 183)

It's so easy for me to lose focus and become consumed with the rules of diabetes rather than just ease up and enjoy. But I have to strike a very sensitive balance---easing up to enjoy life but also always staying mindful of the big D.

The challenge will never end for me, I believe, but I'm a little more secure having read this book.

Quotes---PWD Will Appreciate

One of our favorite shows is Parks and Recreation. Recently there were two episodes that had me roaring with laughter.

The first was Telethon which you can watch here. The Parks and Rec crew help host a telethon for diabetes. Leslie (played by the hilarious and talented Amy Poehler) says into the camera (during the telethon), in a serious, low tone: "There are two types of diabetes, but there is only one type of caring."

The second was an episode I cannot recall where Leslie and her boss Ron are conversing about some of the stresses around the office.

Ron: "What do we do when we get this angry?"

Leslie: "We count backwards from one thousand by sevens and think of warm brownies."

Ha!

More like EAT warm brownies.

Anyway, comedy helps me cope with this crazy, unexplainable, complicated, and jacked up disease. I hope you find relief in the little things, like a Thursday night TV show, and aren't afraid to laugh at diabetes.

CONTROL

***Warning: This is a personal, therapeutic, rambling post. Read at your own risk.***

I know I'm a control freak. And I'm not at all ashamed of the label. In fact, I claim it rather proudly.

Let's see.....in no particular order.

1: I'm a teacher. Teachers have to be leaders, decision-makers, enforcers. Basically, being a teacher is about being in control. There's preparation, execution, and follow-up. Control, control, and more control. (Granted, my student evaluations are 99% positive....so I guess I hide my control freak persona well).

2: I'm a parent. My job is to raise my child, I think, so she becomes independent, determined, cultured, educated, God-minded, etc. And in order to do that, I have to be the one in control right now. Because toddlers are so NOT in control. Though they try to be...via tantrums and other distracting, frustrating, and loud means.

3: I'm a housekeeper. I love to maintain a clean, cozy home. And in order to do that, I must exercise control, mostly self-control, or self-discipline. I have to get a lot of tasks done in a given week: cleaning the bathrooms, the floors, dusting, dishes, laundry, organization, grocery purchasing, etc. These tasks are done over, and over, and over. Week after week after week. And I control whether or not they get done and how well.

4: I'm a wife, one whom I consider modern mixed with a healthy balance of traditional. But with this comes my constant need to control myself---my emotions (I'm a STRONG woman, after all, and can't just let every little thing upset me---it's too distracting), my time (I have so much to do!), my energy (must rest and must work), my thoughts (must make ANOTHER list and keep getting tasks done)...wow, how did my "wife" duties turn into household duties? Ug!

5: MOST OF ALL---I'm a person with diabetes. And the key to a successful, long, and happy life with this disease is, yep, you guessed it, CONTROL. Careful, meticulous, constant control.

"Control freak" has a nasty connotation---so let me put it this way. I like to be disciplined, determined, persistent, and calculated. I can't stand when someone is late. I don't like empty promises. TMI bothers me, because if I know too much about someone else's drama, I want to tell them how to fix it, and I expect them to do as I say. (That's the teacher in me, I guess). (I mean, why the heck tell someone your troubles if you don't want a solution? Why just vent about something?) I don't like surprises. I thrive on routine and careful balance.

So yeah, what that boils down to is control.

I think it's ingrained in me that NOT being in control has dire consequences. This stems from my health (diabetes is a do-or-die disease. Control it or not), my childhood (being the oldest meant I had a lot of power, aka: control), my roles (mother, wife, teacher, housekeeper), and....ultimately, my personality. I feel that I came out of the womb telling the world how it was going to revolve. ;)

The problem with being a control freak is that life isn't controllable. To a certain extent, of course, we do control our own lives. But there's those things which we cannot control. Like my diagnosis, for example. Nothing I did or did not do gave me diabetes. It was something bestowed upon me by life or by God or by someone or something....and I never would have chose it for myself. Not. In. One. Million. Years.

Ug.

But now that I'm happily living a successful life with diabetes, I have begun to realize that with too much control, I miss out on a lot.

For example, tonight I had a ladies' only party at my house. A Princess PJ Party, to be specific. It was a lovely summer evening. There was a pleasantly surprising break in our hot-as-hell weather pattern. My backyard was shaded, rays of sunshine streaking through the weeping willow tree, illuminating the little girls running around the yard in their princess attire. We had just finished our princess yoga session (oh it was fun!), and the girls decided to play outside while the adult ladies talked. Soon my friend's two little girls were pulling at the blow-up pool on the back deck. So I picked it up, plopped it in the yard, and watched with joy as my daughter and my friend's two little girls happily played in the pool (sans any water). Meanwhile, two other little girls (in beautiful princess wear) were gabbing about something important under the branches of the willow tree. There were balls and toys strewn all over the lawn. My friends and I struck up various conversations with one another.

It was peaceful. It was joyous. And guess what? It wasn't planned or controlled by any of us.

Having a daughter and being forced to join the ranks of unpredictability has brought me exceeding joy. It has taught me that nothing beautiful is planned by me or any other person. Beautiful moments just happen in their own sweet time.

I'm growing more and more tired of always being in control. It haunts me that diabetes requires me to always, constantly, and forever be controlling. The saying goes that if you don't control your diabetes, your diabetes will control you. Yikes. But I'm trying to figure out and implement in my life that just because my disease is and must be under my control, everything else doesn't have to be.

I don't think I'll ever fully let go. Control seems to be embedded deeply into my personality. I do believe this is God-given, as it has helped me be the successful person with diabetes that I am. However, there's a darker side to my urge to control everything, and I must tame the temptation. I don't want my need to control to control me. I don't want to miss out on precious, beautiful moments because I'm too busy planning, executing, or following up on MY plans and expectations.

I'll keep trying. And living.

It's Time---To Be Pumpin' It Up

Hooray! I'm getting a new insulin pump! I've had mine for four years (actually I've had three in four years---all the same model), and it's seen better days. I'm now eligible for an upgrade, and I'm anxiously awaiting insurance approval and the doorbell ringing to let me know it's arrived.

However, one downside is that Medtronic pumps do not have waterproof cases. The other day, a VERY warm day (90 and sunny), I took my baby outside so we could have some fun in the sprinkler. The only thing I could think of to use to protect my $6000 pancreas was a sandwich baggie.

So when the Medtronic rep contacted me, I asked what they could offer me in terms of waterproof cases....thinking surely they've come up with something after four years of waiting. The rep said, "The sandwich baggie is your best option."

It's funny how wonderful the technology is for people with diabetes, yet some simple things still lack. And some not-so-simple things, like a cure, seem decades away.

I remain hopeful that my disease won't win in the end. That better options will continue to come my way, and God-willing, I'll have the strength, conviction, and determination to do the best I can every day with what I've got.